Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Anger off Hanger!!

I feel dumb reading my past posts.
It like I'm talking to myself as I read through the each of them, the private ones too, and I say, "What? How could I ever say that?" "Dude, I was the immature one." "Life's good."
You see? It's all so... weird.

I'm going to pick random topics. And talk about them.

I'm scared. That the friends I met, and have known since I remembered, will leave me one day. I'm scared. That I will never see them again. I'm scared. That it IS the fact that we are only friends because we had school together, we had boozed together & we fought over nothing. I'm scared. That once we leave a place, it will all be over, and I have to meet new people, and try to make new friends. I'm scared. That I won't even know who's my friend anymore, and I won't have anyone to have a shoulder to lean on, and talk to, and cry to. I know you all find me annoying, and most of you just want to shot me in the face most of the time, no matter how much of a dog I am. I just really can't control it..

This is what goes on with these stupid relationships, and, "Oh I like her a lot," and that good shit. Boys think girls are complicated and will never be able to fully please them another matter what we do because we're annoying dogs. GIRLS think guys are also hard to figure out because they never do anything, I don't think I should bitch about it now. Or anymore at all. Because I'll just never figure them out along with girls figuring boys out. This is why we're called boys and girls are called girls. We weren't meant to ever understand each other. That is it.

So I have a feeling. I really am becoming a money whore. I don't know if I can handle a job either. I always fuck sometime up, and if I DO get the job after this then I don't know if I'll manage... I need a bank amount. I need to start saving up. I need to get over this..

People from the Past:
Stop thinking I should be involved in your life anymore.
Stop talking shit behind my back.
Stop acting like a total fake in front of me.
Stop pretending to be my friend.
Stop talking to me.
Stop looking at me in the hallways.
Start growing up.

Its frustrating... I am at loss of words, quite literally! How much hard I try, and how much badly I want to, but I simply am not able to write! 'Writers block' is what I have heard a lot about, but dude... I aint no writer, am just a stupid fellow off the street, wanting to vent his thoughts.
So whats stopping me? Nothing, absolutely nothing but a small mass of shit, ruling from right at the top of this huge frame of body. Yeah, a mass of crap which is behaving for quite some time now! No real activity at the top, dumbness galore, I feel numb at times, by the sheer neglect it shows to any signal to work, to act, to think, to basically do the bare minimum and the simplest of the promised jumbo set of super-specialty tasks!!
It simply refuses to budge, no activity, no response, no signal... at times I feel like I bloody lost it in some crowded place and forgot to search for it! Also a high probability that I lost the communication channel to it somehow! Number changed? Network Down? Just a simple plain dumb unplugged? Don't bloody know!!
Yeah, I miss it! I just hope its a simple rusting issue, and not a major one like complete loss! But I miss it, it was good till it was there, served fairly well. Used to be quite responsive, sometimes I felt proud of it as well. Ahhh... I really miss it :(
Hope I figure out some way to get it back soon!

I am happy. That's all that should matter.
And that's how it should stay.