Thursday, December 9, 2010

Should I or Shouldn't??

When I got my first job as a writer, I impressed myself at the start. For a little while. A very little while... I quickly realized that this was not what I wanted to be writing. It was writing articles for my group in our company, and everything sounded the same. I even used templates: insert team names here, customize this line, fit in photographs, arranging marriage dates and child birth congratulation notes. EEEEhhhhhhh, It was horrible. But yet writing :)

I managed to add some spice to that assembly line and moved up to new media: A news letter ;) The news scripts were my favorite; I actually got to be a bit creative, but even there the top management could put an end to it at a moment's notice. The websites were more administrative and editorial. Once to get an approval on a single line from the President of group took me 13 reminders to him 10 to his Secy and another few telephone calls :( By the time approval arrived the article itself became outdated as usually technologies get outdated before approval for projects arrive in my company ;)

The news letter work eventually went away due to changes at that work place, and then about a four months later, which was last November, everything changed.

I was asked to join the monthly magazine. It was like a great deal of opportunity. I had access to some of the crudest facts, plans, people and power :) - but with work, I could do (would have to do) from home. I was set free to be a writer, the creative writer that jumped out of the grass when I was of tender age. But it wasn't that simple the time lines were strict and nothing could change them. A delay from our side would have left us straight in the firing line without any cover. We were a team of 6 people. 6 people and everyone of us was just a part time writer and was time for a major release for everyone of us. The yearly issue. After 4 sleepless nights and fuzzy days I came up with 7 articles that could be brought forward for review by the team. Review went quite well 3 articles were marked to be published. Was a memorable issue for all of us.

All in all being a part of the team is one of the good things that has happened to me in past one year or so :)

That is what I've always wanted. But there is something in the way. I just can't seem to get a hold of the stories' ends. I have too many ideas to know where to start, but when I try to pick one, there is a block. Loads of shit, kinky and crappy stuffs flows out. Once a friend said I have been writing but seems only for and about other people so this. So was he sure what he was saying? Not maybe as a whole, but surely quite a bit of him was true. Now I have this splendid opportunity in front of me to be part of another team. This time expanding my horizon from one organization to Electronic Media. And now I have the opportunity to write for myself. But again I fear would I be able to write till end before something else pops in? Would I be able to do justice to my thoughts? Would it be worth it? Would my parents allow me to do so? Many questions or just, This is where I am today, trying to overcome chronic writer's block.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

God had other plans.

Maybe I don't know, Maybe I'm not incharge of, Maybe all the crap that is there on face of earth is just meant for me. But still people and parents keep on saying "God had other plans".

So now I have nothing much to say :)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Just another dry leaf that has fallen from the tree.

I had a dreadfully eye-opening conversation with my dad a few days ago - a general summary of what he told me:

"You've made so much progress thus far, but I can't understand how you'll possibly survive in the real world. You remember the history very well but forget all appointments, you're room is organized but life is entirely disorganized, and you are stuck in these one-sided generalizations about work and love. The frustrating thing is, though that you refuse to acknowledge them and work on these issues. You're driving yourself into a deep depression,you're creating a handicap for yourself where you'll be incapable of working. On personal front you've been spending like a lifetime in an imaginary world. You've lost some of the best time of your life doing so and even lost warmth of many people.It is up to YOU to decide what you believe, whatever those beliefs are. So don't sell yourself short."

I've had such big dreams for years, and if his words are entirely accurate, and I do nothing about this, then I will be incapable of accomplishing those big dreams.

I hate to admit it, but I do see some fact behind his words. He means well (even though the general statement above is a bit harsh) and he wants nothing but the best for me. Let's face it: I'm awful on the phone, I have difficulty scheduling appointments and calling back people (and furthermore, knowing when to do so), and I can't understand people's expectations unless they explicitly tell me what these expectations are.

As young adults, we often feel that we can change the world the possibilities are endless but easily outnumber the opportunities. Those plans usually all come crashing down around us once we realize that we have to work as part of a team. A team that usually won't have the same goals as us. The sad fact is that by the time you reach a position of power, you're usually a "business thinker" and the spark of innovation or risk taking is gone. Even aspies who do reach a certain level of power often find that they have to either relinquish that power or accept that others simply won't do the same quality work that they expect.

Of course, I would ideally like to run my own business to not be beat down by a higher authority (this is what gets to me), but doing this even involves skills that I don't yet have or they haven't revealed themselves to me. I'm taking my traits into consideration when doing this - and it really is possible - a solitary environment where I'm surrounded by my own creativity and a few close employees and business partners is really all I need.

On personal front I just want a life spending with people who understand the importance of my principles for me and help me always keeping them intact. I don't expect people to be my crutches, rather they should be my strength.

I'm still young, so there's still time, right? If I start now, hopefully I'll be okay. I would be interested in hearing about others' experiences with adjusting to the work and personal world, if anyone reading this is interested in sharing do share.

Free from desires...

I may not be able to make it larger than life but, again how many of us would be able to do so? I would rather be happy to live confined inside my life but living life on my own condition than being part of the rat race. Eagle was I born and Eagle shall I die. Why should I even care about how much I have and even more how much I could have made. Until I'm happy with what I have its fine. Maybe in opinion of most of you this is another way of covering up failure. Let be. You know really let it be, If that soothes my heart let. My being satisfied in this world with least or nothing wouldn't help or degraded your standing in this world. So why can't you accept it?

Remember "Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh" yes, I'm what I'm. Don't you love this feeling. Free from peoples expectation, free from limits of this life, free from all the tantrums that this world throws on you. Yes free soul, same as Tom Petty 'I'm Free fallin'', Life is really good until you want it to be. I believe life is all about making choices between radio buttons. Those who think they are check boxes, they are the one living a miserable life running from pillar to post to connect all the dots that they think improve their living condition. Again can they guarantee that just when someone would reach the last dot on this 2D world the next dot wouldn't be become visible and extending the rat race by another and yet another dot?

Those who are happy are the one who contribute most to the masses. And if you're mistaking it from people who live life larger than life, think again. I don't want to take names here of people but history of mankind is flooded with people who the life in the simplest possible way and yet contributed a lot to their race their people. If can ever even make it till there I would be just more than happy. But then again the first step towards it is being happy and if living on my own conditions makes me happy and satisfied. Gotcha, I'm going to live it that way :)

Do whatever you wish too, the way you desire! Then one fine day every grief on itself would find a way out of our life. And still you think that your life is miserable and the entire universe is conspiring to screw your arse then, Sorry man you are already screwed by this thought, you are in deep shit, your condition is pathetic, you would never make it out of it. This is it. This the maximum possible negativity I can think just in order to nod to your argument to make you happy. But think again I might be an complete arse. You aren't in such a bad condition! Just look around if till now you have been living on this planet in midst of people surely you would find someone somewhere even in more pitiable state than yours. Look if they could, about whom you then thought they where poor and felt pity about them, then why can't you. So be an Eagle, spread your wings, look up into the sky and leap. But never forget Eagle has a sharpest descent too. So never look for something which is too small, when compared to the entire life that you would be living, as Eagle does for its prays and starts its descents. Rise up, if not up at-least enjoy the sail, enjoy it. No second chance, no other day, no other place would be like this. Enjoy, Live on your own terms. Live it large. Don't live trying to make it large.

Happy Life :)