Tuesday, November 17, 2009

So what's your reason?

This evening I was reading a management article by father or modern management and found this quote:

A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself.
-Abraham Maslow

The quote made me truly realize that once you start working against the flow of your creative juices you can't stand still in harmony with yourself, and that's the reason many of us today aren't satisfied. How many times you have heard your friend asking the "what am I doing here? am I meant only for this?" to you or to himself in front of you, I guess a lot or may be the same number of times you brush your teeth!!

But it's true that once you start doing a job howsoever passionate you're for it in a few days of time if you don't explore new horizons in it, it gets mechanical. If this wasn't true, there shouldn't have been any pain in life's of great artist or a guy like who used to dream of a life that you are currently living. Why I'm saying this? 'Cause do you remember how happy you were when you got this job? you didn't missed informing even a single person in your contact list, and felt pride in sharing every details with friend and family of it.If you didn't at least I did!!! 'Cause those who were close to me know that it was a dream come true not because it was my dream job but  because I had once dreamt how I would get a job on a rainy day.

So still day by day satisfaction starts decreasing if not gradually then to slowly, but it surely decreases. And then when two totally exhausted friend sit on a stone on sunny day and over the cup of tea they ask each other the same question  "So what's your reason?". I feel the answer is same for both of them. Once you stop or even start running the rat race by overlooking your creative aspect you tend to loose harmony with yourself. As every one has perception that it's due to need of a change, but have you seen M.F.Hussain how flamboyant he is at his age man I envy him and maybe you would to. The reason behind his flamboyancy even though he is under deep crap in personal front in his life because he never stops his creative juices from flowing out of his mind.In turn that empowers the mind to go with bare hands in the battle field of life to face other problems. 

Our soul needs to be satisfied so that it shelters our mind on a rainy day in life. So open up dear! It's not that everyone is gifted with same energy but yes it's absolutely true that every one is at least gifted with the sufficient energy and creativity. The more you try tying it would leave more scars on your soul breaking the harmony between you and yourself.

Well two weeks backs a incident made me stop writing after the '99th'. After all I used to write what I felt for myself and never thought would end up hurting a friend. Since that day my thought process became more complex and led to many sleepless nights. I was completely sunk in my own world. Although being a Virgo of higher degree I decided I would come out of my shyness and do the damage control myself. I initiated it in some way. I was hope full that it would help me in getting my peace back, but to my realization it didn't work out or I didn't do the needful.That's the reason so late in night when usually I'm into my bed I'm sitting here and writing this some crap and hoping to be the 11th commandent!!


Monday, November 16, 2009

even the loo on my floor say's "I'm engaged"

So what crosses your mind? let me guess a few...

A busy user on the other side of the phone, Or a cute girl in your office with a diamond studded ring on her ring finger, Or your boss when you cry for help, Or let it be anything today every damn person or place is engaged!!
If you ask you're friend out on Friday evening he says I'm engaged for the evening, If you want a help from someone they reply "sorry man right now I'm heavily engaged".'heavily engaged'?? what did he mean?
Ask the pantry boy to refill the water can he is too engaged to do his job, And what about asking the girl whom you love secretly for a stroll or to chat over a cup of tea... man she is engaged to such an extent that you can't even start a conversation with her not even through mail or chatting over the IM forget about the idea of asking her out.

Today it's really hard to find anything when you need the most. And it not only leads you to mere frustration but even forces you to ask a question from yourself "am I  the one who has all the time in this world and goes around asking people and places for your share of time, if not share the time t hat you think you deserve?". I mean if until unless you're a born king or queen you to need to work for your bread butter and booze if any, to the same extent that others have to and that to maintaining the harmony around you.I feel like over the course past 6 months time the workload on me has increased to many folds and has got me almost killed then to if I have time to move forward and ask you for your time, why can't you give me some hope that in near future I would be able to borrow some of your time, after all just a hope if not even the actual time. Please don't say bluntly that I'm engaged, don't deny me outrightly.

All this I'm writingbecause many times I have heard "I'm engaged" from many people, even from those whom I love the most and treasure them a lot, to some knowingly and to few unknowingly. I mean we are not lawyers who would bug you on the words of hope that you utter to us. Come give me a ray of hope.

But yet again I realize that it's not an easy task. When you're not engaged everyone asks you to find some way to get engaged. My mother says "beta jaldi se koi ladki pasand karle, engaged hoja", lolz... now what should I tell my mother that I'm happy the way I'm, at least in time like this, I'm free. But this is altogether another analogy of engaged but still you can see it when you are free every one wants you to get engaged and once you are engaged people like me start writing this sort of crap. Above all I know I can't bring a change in someone's acuity but at least I can help those who have a thought process of my kind happy by keeping myself available for everyone anytime.

Don't mind people out there, it's just my restless mind or should I say my mindless mind which is running from itself, from the fear that a loved one would deny his most deserved opportunity by saying "I'm engaged" and in this process it is denying itself the chance to breakout in front of that loved one even though it may deserve that loved one.

Crap Crap... sorry  if I bugged you up... but did you notice something while reading this post you have wasted 5 mins, that 5 mins which you had added to your day by denying someone his share just by uttering those three words "I'm engaged". hahaha...

It's just to intricate for me outside my comfort zone with my music phone's ear pieces off, I mean everyone says the same "I'm engaged", and trust me some even don't have the time to say it they simply ignore your pleas. Now even the loo on my floor this afternoon said "I'm engaged",  hold on if it didn't said at least the same was written on it's door... ahhh urghhhh.... Oh lord Shiva help us out!! destroy this busyness around us all, after all you're the lord of destruction so go ahead destroy it all, and please! don't come saying that you're too engaged...

Saturday, November 7, 2009

When I was asked "Are you a stud?"

I was just back from my hourly stroll that I take around usually every hour in office, Then my 'reporting manager' informed me that our manager was looking for me. I asked for what? he replied I don't know but he was in good mood and then I said how does it bother to me if he is in good mood or bad and if he needs me he would come again looking for me and I settled down at my cubical and in few moments I was completely engrossed in my work with ear phones plugged to my ears. After a while I saw someone waving a hand towards me that brought me back to the world & to my realization I saw that it was my manager. I removed the earphones and flaunted a smile towards him, then I was asked to see him in a meeting room near to his cabin in 5 min.

Thoughts started pouring in then, why has he called me? Is it that I'm gonna be shifted to some other project? or is it that some CR fixed by me failed? and many more ranging to very very far away. I took a sip from my bottle of water and went to the meeting room and I was followed by my manager.

Inside the room conversation started:

Me: So what is it about?
He: I know you have been working really hard lately. I have received many good feedback's from other managers from various teams with whom you have worked over past one year. and I must say you are one brilliant guy and have shown great level dedication to make you stand apart from all in team and form people of your caliber.
Me: Ohh!! I'm delighted to hear it. (with a smile)
He: You would be aware that PMP has started and I was supposed to have a 1-2-1 with you. That's the reason I have called you.
Me: But I was not informed about this 1-2-1 earlier!! and I'm not prepared to market myself right now.
He: (Laughed and said) Don't worry. I'm aware of all that you have done and are capable of.
Me: But still I'm supposed to market my self at the year end 1-2-1.
He: you don't need to. You have performed extraordinarily well. You have followed all the process have innovated a lot, taken tasks with complete ownership. And don't worry every one including me is aware of it.
Me: Well then... so why are we into this 1-2-1 then?
He: It is just that I had to ask you if you have any issues? and one more question (he smiled).
Me: I have no issues with team or quality of work. I enjoy great freedom in work and I'm thankful for it to my reporting manager. It's just that I need more support on quantity of work. I mean I'm really overburdened from past few months. Still I'm able to survive, but don't know till when.
He: Ohh!! and I have called you for it.
Me: So what now?
He: Tell me, Are you a STUD? (with a wink)
Me: What do you mean by it?
He: Are you a STUD? Are you capable all of it that comes to you and your team?
Me: Hmmm... I guess I have never said no to anyone. and have met all the deadlines without any hiccups how stringent they have been. And hope the same in future.
He: Good!! I knew you are a STUD. You're capable of everything. And I'm even more delighted to have you in my team. You know in initial days I used to think, this guy leaves office daily so early and always has earphone into his ears, he is never interested in any discussions, and talks so less, so is he worth? But as days passed I started getting the results from you and that started building my faith in you.And soon I realized it's his way of working.
Me: I guess you got it right.
He: Yes!!

Then came in the reward. What was it? I'm not supposed to discuss it as it is supposed to be under the table, but yes it was one thing I never expected it. And soon meeting got over. It left me thinking that I have still not put in my 100% in my job still I have made a mark to distinguish my self from the rest, so if someday i start giving in 100% what am I capable of.And it made one thing very clear to me drawing boundaries with work and life is a good thing but being honest to work is the most important.This incident mad me feel more confident at least on the professional front, and yes mad me realize one thing with little devotion and honesty anyone can be a 'STUD'!!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Attack by 'Grey Love'

How many times have you thought that the windows that you open let the breeze come in can bring something shitty to your comfort zone?
That day in the morning I opened my window to smell the air outside. The smell of air was awesome and it reminded me of morning in Agra when I used to live in a house all around lush greenery. And then followed the daily routine as had to reach  office on time. And in this hurry I left the window pans open!!

Then I had a great day even more than I could desire that day. By the evening I was so happy that I planned as soon as I reach home I would take a bath and go to the Mahalaxmi temple to thank Durga maa. As soon I reached my home It was perfect as daily. Entire room was in good shape and neat and clean courtesy our bai.
But then I saw this:

And thought what is it? Is this stain of vegetables or something else?
Then I saw some more of it:

And then I feared and thought it can't be that, that S thing...

Suddenly I heard the sound of wings, and when I turned my head it was one, one bloody grey bird.

I had no clue what to do next. I just thought I had to jump in damage control mode ASAP. I picked up towel that was in closest to me and don't know why did I picked it up. When I saw the bird I thought is she more frightened or it's me.I mean I can't do any harm to that bird after all I'm in love with a girl whose name means 'Bird' so that has put in a soft corner for birds in my heart. I tried many tricks, opened all the doors and windows that I could so that that bird finds its way out to the free world. It took her half an hour to finds its way out.
When it left the entire room was full of stains of S that it had made during the entire day.

I said god I want that bird in my life whom I love not this 'Grey Love', and as you did send that grey bird when you saw my house window open send my love too the same way and don't worry all the doors of my heart are open.