I kinda need enlightenment. Notice, I say "kinda" just to alleviate the graveness of the situation. I suppose to psychologically keep my "edge" in tact, even my pride. I'm quite complicated, and no it's no bragging; it gets on my nerves-- well confuses me actually and I find myself in the process of always trying to figure out myself. I know, that sentence in itself is complex.
I write to make sure that I have a time-stamp that I can look back on, and draw from for whatever reason(s). It's not for show, not for feedback, and definitely not for attention.
Lately, I've been jolted right down to the nerve. These jolts carry a message, a precious message in a bottle that has taken many sand grains down an hour glass. A piece of advice I should have already accepted for my own benefit. I should always look out for myself. I should always seek for my comfort. I should always try to better myself. Why? Because at the end of the day I am the only thing I have (family aside, of-course). Look out for yourself before you look out for others. Sure, it sounds obvious intuition. But everyday, at every unconscious window of having your guard down, you give up, petty in your eyes but essential in reality, time. Time that you should have for yourself. Time that you can never get back. Time that will chew you up and spit you out, if you don't put up a good tussle. Do your part. Do yourself a favor. Look out for yourself.
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