any takers???

Since my professional life kicked off, I have changed a lot, and a lot implies a lot. I used to be an extrovert by every means throughout school days, college days & college nights. Since past 12 months from I have transformed into a introvert. This introverts of mine that has creep-ed in has even offended someone and thank god for my concise that helped me apologize then to her.People have even started calling me 'bade log' hmmm... god is great!! Sarkar himself calls me bade log. Anyways I personally feel this is not introverts in fact it's something else. I thought of getting it out and then the below was spilled off by my, so happy reading or rather bugging :)


"...Do you ever get tired of being who you are?I mean seriously, do you ever wonder what would it be like to be someone different...no I don't mean a celebrity, or a personal ideal or the one you are jealous of (oh yes you do!! you want to be just like someone you are jealous of!you wish all the time!!)....although all of these would also qualify for this context, I don't mean some other person at all....not like someone else, just different from who you are...and just to make things a tad more complicated, I'm not talking of self improvements, introspection and all that psychological jargon either, coz what is normal and acceptable is also relative to our surroundings, to others around us...

So here's what we have so far, you can't be your favorite celebrity, your ideal, your envy not even your better self, just different!! Do you ever want to be something different, as you??"

"God dk!!! you're crazy!! please stop driving me nuts!!"

and hence my friend brushed me off...I guess more than being irritated, she took the question as a personal offense. For at that time she was deeply engrossed discussing people with other people, yes yes, gossiping, something she knows I detest greatly. Some one said "Small discuss people, 'bujuwa' discuss events & great discuss ideas (remember an Idea can change life)" hmmm... rubbish, oblivious to all but yet some truth buried deep inside... just think or should I say jushhttt imagine!!

But then may be a personal offense is how anyone will take it, may be that's how I would take it if I was at the receiving end. Is it because we are so conceited or that we at least like to put up the facade of conceit....for we know what we lack, but we don't want others to find out.Having others know our weaknesses make us feel vulnerable in front of them and hence scared of being taken for a ride. But then, this fear is not entirely unfounded, people use other people, that why they call it a "jungle" right!! "the survival of the fittest!!" ??? or is it the survival of the one who puts up the best facade, has the maximum layers hiding his weaknesses, can fool the maximum number of people?? why are we then taught things like "good wins over evil"...and "honestly is the best policy" when you actually should excel in getting things done, your way!

But I digress, and greatly so. This post is not meant to be a rhetoric on the world today, I just wish to find out answers to a simple question....do we ever realize if what we think are our weaknesses, are actually our weaknesses or are they hidden strengths which we keep trying to eliminate by wanting to be someone minus those weaknesses, while our actual weaknesses remain beyond the horizons of acceptance of them, lost forever into the realms of denial.

I have seen people, yes I have this obsessive compulsion disorder of silently observing people, at times with an amused smile, asking awkward questions which almost always offend them and then writing/analyzing them!!! but I have seen people making the same mistake repeatedly throughout their lives, and cribbing over it, blaming God, destiny, people, the world, even abstract theories, all this just to escape a true introspection, I mean a true one, not where you already know,or think that you know, what went wrong and all your introspection is actually an effort to reinforce a justification of self-exoneration.Thank god!! For giving me strength to face myself, this implies I introspect myself...So, They never actually find out what went wrong, though I don't know if they do during the last moment of being alive, I hope they don't, or else we would all die with a realization that came in too late to improve and yet too soon to not leave a regret.


But then Who gets to decide what is a weakness anyway....what do you call a weakness, as another crazy...err I mean philosophical friend put it once ..."you have just qualities, it is the context which makes them strengths or weaknesses"...if that is what is it, then what do you call being self aware?? I guess its just about figuring out all your qualities and learning to pick which one, where, how, and how much!!!


But all this is useless, because ultimately aren't we all searching for happiness, and honestly, no!!! honestly!! aren't we the happiest when we are proven right, to ourselves and to others, or perhaps when we can make people admit that they were wrong. isn't there a masochistic pleasure we get is whining because that gives us sympathy and attention?? No no no, the strong and silent types, so to speak, get even more attention and sympathy by visibly hiding their pain!!! So perhaps what we actually run after is general acknowledgment and admiration of the society, may be because that is our sole parameter of happiness. Validation by others who surround us, whether it comes as sympathy or admiration or even envy for that matter, (for you envy some one only when you want to be like them and know that you cant be), but a validation nonetheless.

So if the self exonerating introspection works every-time in gaining us some more attention, sympathy and acceptance then why even bother for anything else?? why do we need to term anything as weakness or a strength, we just need to figure out all our qualities and learn to pick which one, where, how, and how much will be the most effective in gaining us the attention, sympathy or admiration!!!

any takers??? Please don't mind if you're bugged, I do apologize for it from bottom of my heart and a true smile on my face. And to those it didn't concerned so may be below link adds something to your day or say, mood!!

Oh, Sorry if that bothered you!!