any takers???

Since my professional life kicked off, I have changed a lot, and a lot implies a lot. I used to be an extrovert by every means throughout school days, college days & college nights. Since past 12 months from I have transformed into a introvert. This introverts of mine that has creep-ed in has even offended someone and thank god for my concise that helped me apologize then to her.People have even started calling me 'bade log' hmmm... god is great!! Sarkar himself calls me bade log. Anyways I personally feel this is not introverts in fact it's something else. I thought of getting it out and then the below was spilled off by my, so happy reading or rather bugging :)


"...Do you ever get tired of being who you are?I mean seriously, do you ever wonder what would it be like to be someone different...no I don't mean a celebrity, or a personal ideal or the one you are jealous of (oh yes you do!! you want to be just like someone you are jealous of!you wish all the time!!)....although all of these would also qualify for this context, I don't mean some other person at all....not like someone else, just different from who you are...and just to make things a tad more complicated, I'm not talking of self improvements, introspection and all that psychological jargon either, coz what is normal and acceptable is also relative to our surroundings, to others around us...

So here's what we have so far, you can't be your favorite celebrity, your ideal, your envy not even your better self, just different!! Do you ever want to be something different, as you??"

"God dk!!! you're crazy!! please stop driving me nuts!!"

and hence my friend brushed me off...I guess more than being irritated, she took the question as a personal offense. For at that time she was deeply engrossed discussing people with other people, yes yes, gossiping, something she knows I detest greatly. Some one said "Small discuss people, 'bujuwa' discuss events & great discuss ideas (remember an Idea can change life)" hmmm... rubbish, oblivious to all but yet some truth buried deep inside... just think or should I say jushhttt imagine!!

But then may be a personal offense is how anyone will take it, may be that's how I would take it if I was at the receiving end. Is it because we are so conceited or that we at least like to put up the facade of conceit....for we know what we lack, but we don't want others to find out.Having others know our weaknesses make us feel vulnerable in front of them and hence scared of being taken for a ride. But then, this fear is not entirely unfounded, people use other people, that why they call it a "jungle" right!! "the survival of the fittest!!" ??? or is it the survival of the one who puts up the best facade, has the maximum layers hiding his weaknesses, can fool the maximum number of people?? why are we then taught things like "good wins over evil"...and "honestly is the best policy" when you actually should excel in getting things done, your way!

But I digress, and greatly so. This post is not meant to be a rhetoric on the world today, I just wish to find out answers to a simple question....do we ever realize if what we think are our weaknesses, are actually our weaknesses or are they hidden strengths which we keep trying to eliminate by wanting to be someone minus those weaknesses, while our actual weaknesses remain beyond the horizons of acceptance of them, lost forever into the realms of denial.

I have seen people, yes I have this obsessive compulsion disorder of silently observing people, at times with an amused smile, asking awkward questions which almost always offend them and then writing/analyzing them!!! but I have seen people making the same mistake repeatedly throughout their lives, and cribbing over it, blaming God, destiny, people, the world, even abstract theories, all this just to escape a true introspection, I mean a true one, not where you already know,or think that you know, what went wrong and all your introspection is actually an effort to reinforce a justification of self-exoneration.Thank god!! For giving me strength to face myself, this implies I introspect myself...So, They never actually find out what went wrong, though I don't know if they do during the last moment of being alive, I hope they don't, or else we would all die with a realization that came in too late to improve and yet too soon to not leave a regret.


But then Who gets to decide what is a weakness anyway....what do you call a weakness, as another crazy...err I mean philosophical friend put it once ..."you have just qualities, it is the context which makes them strengths or weaknesses"...if that is what is it, then what do you call being self aware?? I guess its just about figuring out all your qualities and learning to pick which one, where, how, and how much!!!


But all this is useless, because ultimately aren't we all searching for happiness, and honestly, no!!! honestly!! aren't we the happiest when we are proven right, to ourselves and to others, or perhaps when we can make people admit that they were wrong. isn't there a masochistic pleasure we get is whining because that gives us sympathy and attention?? No no no, the strong and silent types, so to speak, get even more attention and sympathy by visibly hiding their pain!!! So perhaps what we actually run after is general acknowledgment and admiration of the society, may be because that is our sole parameter of happiness. Validation by others who surround us, whether it comes as sympathy or admiration or even envy for that matter, (for you envy some one only when you want to be like them and know that you cant be), but a validation nonetheless.

So if the self exonerating introspection works every-time in gaining us some more attention, sympathy and acceptance then why even bother for anything else?? why do we need to term anything as weakness or a strength, we just need to figure out all our qualities and learn to pick which one, where, how, and how much will be the most effective in gaining us the attention, sympathy or admiration!!!

any takers??? Please don't mind if you're bugged, I do apologize for it from bottom of my heart and a true smile on my face. And to those it didn't concerned so may be below link adds something to your day or say, mood!!

Oh, Sorry if that bothered you!!

A Rotten Feeling

'A Rotten Feeling' hun ahhh... what do you mean by this? I guess nothing, come on man I wrote this because I couldn't find any better word(s). Anyways after few brain storming sessions with my inner self I realized some thing. Now I thought why not pen down so that on some other rainy day is I need to realize it any more with the same intensity that I did last time it would be easier for me get back here and read it once again. So, A Rotten Feeling as per me is any feeling or just any thought you haven't expressed it till date to the outer world, and as the days grow and nights pass it starts growing bigger by every passing moment. It's even quite possible that someday it would be all over you!! and trust me just when you would start thinking that you are in intense pain and its so intense that it could rip your soul apart. You would try to cry that out to the world & if you fail doing so, again you would be in deep shit completely buried but, that very moment something strange would happen. fushhhh... all the pain is gone, the feeling is gone & the pain is all flushed away. This is 'A Rotten Feeling'.

You would have heard people saying neither happiness nor pains does stays for too long, just in a similar way nor does feeling live long. I don't mean that feelings die off, but they do loose ground. However craving we are for that feeling a day would surely come when it would swap places from some other one. Its just matter of time when and what triggers this graveyard shift, but 'Yes' it's bound to happen. After all we are child of the great god and he can't let us be in pain or greed for much long.

I hope all that was not philosophical crap :) anyways what brought this out of me? From past many years a friend of mine had something for me but she never told me anything. We used to be just like other up-teen friends, who had gala time every time they met. Even I don't know what was on my mind all those days that I was unable to see what she used to feel. Then one day I got a call from her.She sounded really joyous, although I was not in a great mood that morning but after I heard all her giggling even I caught that infection of happiness. Then she said 'dk I met someone few days back, with whom my parents are trying to fix me up. Initially I couldn't think of all that then, I met him one day and I found him interesting. We started talking and it has been a while we are checking around. Now I feel that I have for him'. I if love was great then this was something really better than that. So finally someone around has fallen for love and the better thing they are together. I was obviously happy with that. But then suddenly I found her voice getting heavy over the phone. I was unable to understand, I mean she isn't getting married this very moment so she can still live with her parents, what she loves the most, for few more days so why is she getting so low.

'You know, for years I used to feel the same for you!! But I knew you never were inclined to any of it. Slowly from past few days that feeling started killing me when we started talking less and reached to its high. And as you always say no bliss lasts for ever, even no pain lasts for ever. This happened!! But still I miss those feelings' she said in alternating tone between sorrowfulness and happiness. I was left dumbstruck. I felt as if I'm bugged, I'm crapped, I'm lost, I'm ripped apart. I don't know but it's something much worse than worst.Now I don't want any feeling to creep inside my mind. I don't want to hurt someone & at the same time I'm kinda into liking someone else and I don't want to loose my feelings for her. Then she said 'don't worry dk, that feeling has rotten and is no more inside me it's just that love for that feeling is just left. And take my advice the feelings that you are cradling inside you, just go and express it all to your 'rab ji' before that to rotten away . Best of luck & I pray your feelings live and cherish for your lifetime!!' after this she hung up the phone.

I realized how true she was!! Really no bliss lasts forever...

Happy Journey!!

life is weird. We keep living it with certain beliefs , notions and ideas about ourselves, our society , and the people in it. Whether its are our friends, family or the rest of the world ranging from the US president to our local fruit vendor, we have at least a basic understanding of each. And hence of their actions.At least that's what we think.

What we don't know baffles us and with certain exceptions (such as maths in my case), we keep trying to figure it out. If we know at least the people around us and understand their thoughts and actions, it gives us a sense of deep rooted security. It is this which makes moving to a new home or a job so difficult. You don't know anyone or anything there. You feel uprooted, in-secured and alone. But what do you do when without as much as throwing a pebble in the calm waters of a peaceful and harmonious life, things suddenly turn upside down, well metaphorically. I am not talking about sudden deaths or natural calamities that do indeed turn your life upside down, I am talking of things that are more intangible and though I could not possibly undermine the impact of the tangible disastrous, these are intangible only by nature, for their impact can be as devastating, or at least confusing.

As children, our parents are our first ideals, we want to be just like them when we grow up. I remember, well actually my mother does not let me forget, though she remembers it fondly and embarrassingly in front of all our relatives, how I used to put on her makeup and take her bag and pretend that I was going to a party , when I was 5, just like her.

And as we grow, we idealize more and more elders around us, our teachers, elder siblings, some relatives. And but for the exception of the teens, when movie, rock, and sports stars don't really leave space for anyone else to be idealized, there are always people around us we admire for some reason or the other. And it is this knowledge which makes us feel that we know the people around us.

But what do you do when you realize the one quality you admired somebody for, was just a facade put up for a great show. What do you do when you realize a person you admired for his unaffected, dropped it like a hot brick at the first instant of possible benefit to be attained from shrewdness. Or someone you thought believed in honesty was lying all along. Or someone who loathed quite unequivocally, crafty maneuvers, turn out to be quite adept at using them for short term benefits?

What do you do, when right after you think you have got somebody all figured out, you realize things were wrong from day one? What do you do when life spins completely out of control at the very moment when you thought the sailing was smooth?

You feel lost. and doubtful. of yourself. your judgment. and your own ideas and beliefs. Everything is shaken. But most of all, you doubt if the principles you have set for your own self are correct or not. Perhaps what somebody has done is not wrong, and you are being too impractical and unrealistic.Perhaps what somebody is the right way to do things and it should be, for they are happy aren't they??

You ponder over it for days , weeks, at times even months at end, till it slowly recedes into the background of your mind. Sometimes it changes the way you think, and you adapt in order to survive more successfully, but mostly it vanishes as yet another rock that slowly sank in and the surface became calm again. And though it does at times cause permanent damage to your opinion and perhaps relationship with that person, and make the water bed rockier, you just learn to recuperate from the storm and keep sailing forth. Trying to figure life out, you start all over again. And though you can't predict nor avoid the next storm , whether it should leave you wiser or embittered, is entirely up to you and that is what makes that elusive thing, called happiness , attainable. So happy journey! why? you're not going anywhere, am right? Bugger life is journey so Happy Journey once again :)

"Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh"

I don't want to take my eyes away from the view that surrounds me.But it is this view which fills me with so many in suppress able thoughts that I must express.For a long time now, my mind has been cluttered, too cluttered. Its amazing how sitting here can make one feel at peace, with oneself and with the rest of the world.When we walk around in the world,we think of many things, how we walk, talk, what we say, want, we live according to what others expect, friends, parents, teachers, society.Sometimes, trying to fill expectations, we mold ourselves so much we lose some part of ourselves."What do I want?me. just me. not anyone else." Then its time to realize, to recede back to your haven, to get back in touch with yourself.

The sight that surrounds me is nothing spectacular, just some trees, lush grass, a few birds who got up a little late in the day and are still looking for food, some others flying in groups, as if a practicing flying in formation. But they remind me of myself. Away from this world, they take me to the world I'd rather be in, a world which accepts me the way I am, embraces my weaknesses, appreciates my strengths, a world which loves me,with a love that is unconditional, non judgmental.

For a while.Then it reminds me of the world I live in.The expectations, from me, my behavior, my choices, my actions,these are what really give me a purpose.It reminds me that expectations that others' have matter so much because they are a reflection of my own expectations from myself which have been formed by theirs.Its a cycle.A cycle called life.

We are what we are because of the world we live in.We want what we want because we love the world we live in.The one outside shapes the one inside our hearts.The world we'd rather be in. In my case, idyllic nature.
And the two are not different. They complement one another.


And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd
Understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am...



I am what I am and that is what gives me my purpose in life.

Inspired by some ones signature that said:
"Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh"(I am what I am)

Not so obliviously obvious!!

Despite all my senses rebelling hard and strong, screaming of fatigue, I had been forcing myself to concentrate on my screen and at least finish the task at hand. After about a half hour of relentless struggle on both sides, my senses, with my eyes leading their front, won. I shut my monitor and moved out of my office. And suddenly it hit me. The air outside was perfectly still and calm, as if at the advent of a storm. Laced with the fragrance of daisies, almost bitterly mixed with that of wet cement and sand, the night felt like a strange mix of eerie and heavenly. Almost as if drawn against my will, I went to take a walk.

An early Winter night, the on-spring of the much awaited Christmas-new year festive season as well as the much anticipated harsh yet-not-to-be-missed winters, I wasn't walking exploring new arenas. Everything looked as it should have. The ubiquitous silence and stillness could be attributed to the reasonable assumption that everyone must have been out, celebrating a stray holiday in the middle of the week, hence explaining the lack of any famous soaps sounding off TV sets, the noise of loud air-coolers, even the regular parking and reversing car alarms. Logically, everything made sense, and there was nothing wayward. And yet the night's touch felt only faintly familiar. The stillness of the night had enveloped the entire neighborhood. It was only 8 PM, and though the markets outside must have been bustling with people, the absence of human life in the area seemed unnatural. Even the stray dogs, which never fail to make their presence felt, seemed too quiet, too meek for comfort. A sudden chill made me shudder. I instinctively pulled my jacket closer and hastened my step back towards home.

Suddenly, at about 50 meters away from my comfort zone, power went out and I was engulfed in complete darkness. “Just a power-cut; no need to over-react!” I convinced myself. Then, I heard footsteps: calm and deliberate walking towards me. I hugged myself and gingerly looked around. A woman, walking towards his home, with his dog, looked at me and passed a courteous smile. She seemed unfazed, almost enjoying the dark and still night. Needless to say I was scared, and the fact that she hadn't been anywhere around a few moments ago didn't help. Clutching my racing heart, I smiled back weakly, and walked as fast as I could to my office, sometimes breaking into a sprint.

As soon as I reached office, I stopped dead in the tracks. The front entrance was ajar, the house pitch dark and hauntingly silent. Pushing the main gate further, I traded silently inside, and went straight up to my floor. I saw my drawer, It was locked. I knew I hadn’t locked it. I fumbled for my set of keys in my jacket, I didn’t have them. More baffled than ever, I called my colleagues. No one answered. Taking a deep breath, I fumbled for the switch, put one foot out and let out a gasp....the deserted  floor, which had been intact till few moments bask, was missing. The entire floor had been dug at least 3 feet.

Praying hard that the digging was due to the ongoing renovation, I was about to turn around and go to my room, when I thought I heard the sound of running water. Maybe someone had left a tap running, and I had missed the sound before. I turned it off. I had walked barely 20 steps away, when I heard the same sound. This time it was a different tap. By now things were getting too much for me and I was nearing complete panic and frenzy at an alarming speed. There was no one around. Something told me the tap wouldn't turn off. With trembling hands, I turned it off. At almost the same instant I heard the sound of water starting from somewhere else. I muffled my scream, dropped the candle and ran upstairs to my room...

But the nightmare wasn't over yet. My drawer was no longer locked. Not knowing what else to do I threw the drawer open. This drawer, just like the rest of the floor was completely deserted. I flicked the backup lights on. Everything looked as I had left it, thankfully. My rapidly failing rationale and courage weren't equipped to handle any more surprises.

So here I am, sitting on my bed, typing my fears away in the light of the monitor screen. I am pretty convinced that power will be back soon, and so will the people on my floor and that everything has a logical explanation, the locked drawer & deserted floor, the absence of people in the entire neighborhood, including my floor, as well as the malfunctioning power back up and plumbing. All the movies also show that the paranormal world has a liking for thunder and lighting. And that ghosts don't really show themselves on still clouded early winter nights, but I have locked my room nevertheless. ..…Just in case…

Marketing strategies: SEX sells!!

All right, so I got this fwd. and maybe it was the fact that I had been working for over 16 hours non-stop, that I temporarily lost my senses and actually decided to read through an true-predictions-don't-ignore forwards before deleting it! :P

But I am glad I did, because by the end of reading through the article I was laughing so hard that the only reason I didn't fall off my chair was the incomplete task ;) ....in case you are wondering why, here is the mirror image of the message, no technically mirror image, but you'll see what I mean

AMAZING/EXCELLENT/GREAT kisser : Scorpio, Aries, Aquarius, Leo, Cancer, Taurus

at least 5/12 people in this world are great kissers. The rest 7/12 need classes...hmm, good business idea for the highly privileged 5/12th ?? can be started with zero capital investment ... ;)

Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet/Have own unique appeal/Rare to find : Libra, Sagittarius, Gemini, Pisces, Leo

so 5/12 of the ppl in this world are rare to find...where are they all hiding?? I wonder if they have together formulated a unique formula for love , so that it remains "one-of-a-kind" ;P

Loves being in long relationships : Scorpio, Aries, Aquarius, Leo, Taurus, Sagittarius, Capricorn

wow ppl!! that more than half the world's population wants to stay committed. Divorce lawyers, get packing !!!

Always get what they want : Scorpio, Virgo, Pisces, Capricorn

Thank god I'm a Virgo!! So, if a Scorpio-Virgo pair wanted different things ...what would they finally settle for?? oh I know!! alimony!!! :D

Not one to mess with. : Leo, Sagittarius, Taurus, Aries, Libra,

Trust me don't even mess with me although I don't have my sun-sign there & I've decided not to mess with anyone...just in case ;P

Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.: Aquarius, Gemini, cancer,

I am not even sure what that means ???

Amazing in ...: Aquarius, Gemini, Sagittarius, Libra

ahem, ahem prudence forbids me to finish or comment ....

The most caring person you will ever meet, funny, intelligent , romantic, irresistible, blah blah blah:

all of them!!!( well give or take a few adjectives) :P

and here's my favorite bit

SAGITTARIUS - Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal.Most caring person you will ever meet! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying.

LIBRA: Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet!however not the kind of person you wanna mess with ... u might end up crying...


Ok! So I really wonder how can two people, well 1/6 the population of this world actually, be identical in traits and yet have "own unique appeal" and "love of a kind" .... and if you know one of each, ( and assuming the caring nature percolates to other relationships as well) , then are you allowed to make them compete for being " the most caring", ??!! :P

oh and I almost forgot, all of the above ppl, who were unfortunate enough to not receive this mail at all, or silly enough to not read it or stupid enough to not forward it, are going to have extremely bad luck for the next 2-24 years...so maybe the 3rd world war is inevitable!!!!!!!

The mail doesn't really say anything about inverting it, and blogging it, so I hope I get the benefit of doubt... ;)

On a somewhat more serious note, why would a mail with more-or-less 5 different sentences, 8 different adjectives, ,exactly 5 different numbers for the years of bad luck and no predictions of course, right or wrong, manage to do so many rounds of senseless emails ...have we really ran out of good reading stuff and other means of keeping working blues away that badly??!!

We all agree, that sex sells. and at some point or the other, we all buy it as well, publicly or not (;))!! whether its a legendary book (and rightly so) like the Godfather, or a commercial senseless flick, all rely, and sometimes unfortunately and solely so, on some or the other form to increase the respective viewer/reader ship. And well, it wouldn't sell, if no one bought it, and no one buys things they don't like or don't want, except insurance of course ;) so I guess if ppl do like it, and buy it....then why am I complaining?? maybe, because too much of everything , is an overkill ...

Conversation starters... hmmm

So how do you start your day... with a strong coffee...
How do you greet people "Gud morning..." or "Kya haal hai" or "How are you??..."

And what reply do you get? Well, a descent good morning in return or "Bus badhia" or "I m fine".

And that ends the morning conversation.

What about other conversations? How do they generally go? Well take a situation... Two friends F1 & F2 who have met after a long time... How would the conversation go??

F1: Hey F2, long time buddy? How have you been?
F2: Hey, I am fine yaar? U tell where have you been?
F1: Well here and there doing this and that. What about you?
F2: Well, I have also been a bit of there and a bit of there and done somewhat of this and somewhat of that.
F1: So how is family?
F2: Fine, everybody is going great? And how are uncle and aunty?
F1: Well, they are great. They remember you some times?

Sorry to interrupt here, but this is where the conversation ends. And now both of them have nothing to talk about. Still they would keep pinging each other

F2: Aur what else?
F1: Bus yaar chal raha hai? Tu bata...
F2: Bus yaar kat rahi hai...

Here, there would be a bit of bitching about their lifes and their relations. And about their jobs and their companies. And then they would go on "Blah blah..."

F1: Aur bata
F2: Bus yaar
F1: Aur tu bata
F2: Bus yaar...

This goes on and on... till the two friends part...

So, here you see how the conversation goes on between two friends. And you can feel the lack of topics to discuss. This is because of the mundane life we have been living. Going to work every morning and coming from work every night tired and then sleeping. And on weekends just relaxing and sleeping or watching a movie in some mall. Thats our everyday life. We need to change it. We need something different to do, something regarding which we can talk about...

PIN for my credit card!!

I thought infinite loops exist only as bugs in software's. I sincerely hope I made some very stupid mistake, or else, this morning's incident is bound to have a lasting impact on my notion... ;)

Worried about not being able to check my credit card outstanding statement, I decided to generate an a-pin for my credit card. And so I called up the ICICI helpline...Here's how it went...


me: dial...
them: (its ringing)...please enter your 16-digit credit card number
me: xxxx-xxxx-xxxx-xxxx
them: please enter your 4 digit a-pin...
me:?????
them: or to generate a pin online, press 1
me: 1
them: please enter the verification code on the reverse of your card...
me: xxx
them: please wait while we connect to a phone-banking-officer, your wait time is approx 4 minutes
...after 4-5 minutes of listening to the safe banking instructions(which if I had practiced I wouldn't be calling them up...and now that I have called them up, its obviously too late !! )....
them: good afternoon how may I assist you?
me: I need to get an a-pin generated for my cr. card
them: can I have your cr card no. please?
me: (again??) xxxx-xxxx-xxxx-xxxx
them: can I have your Date-of-birth please?
me: dd-mmm-yyyy
them: can I have your Credit Card expiry date for verification purposes?
me: (pfff)...mmm-yyyy
them: thankyou sir!! I'll transfer your call to the appropriate menu, you can generate your a-pin directly...
me: (finallly!!!) thnx..
...back to the menu....
them: please enter your 16-digit creadit card no.
me: (iiiiiiiii!!!!) xxxx-xxxx-xxxx-xxxx
them: please enter the verification code on the reverse of your card...
me: xxx
them: please enter your 4 digit a-pin...
me: oh-God-is-this happening all over again!??!
them: or to generate a pin online, press 1
me: 1
them: please wait while we connect to a phone-banking-officer, , your wait time is approx 4 minutes..........


If you can figure out where I made that seemingly un-apparent stupidity and chose the wrong option, please let me know, else... I'll call the ICICI helpline again ... :P

My anger management!!

Having a bad day? So maybe try this out!!

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take It out
on someone, don't take it out on someone you know -- take it out on someone
you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, "Hello."

I politely said, "Could I please speak with @@@@@ %%%%%?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that Anyone
could be so rude. I realized I had called the wrong number. I tracked down
@@@@@'s correct number and called her. I had accidentally transposed the last
two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call
the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a*****e!" and hung
up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'a*****e' next to it, and put it in my
desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd
call him up and yell, "You're an a*****e!" It always cheered me up.


When I thought of caller ID , I thought my therapeutic 'a*****e' calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is ##### &&&&&
from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with
the Caller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a*****e!"

One day I was outside a store, getting ready to pull into a spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot.
The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window . . so, I
wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first a*****e ( I had his
number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW a*****e, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."


"Can you tell me where I can see it?"


"Yes, I live at FC Road . It's a yellow house, and the car's
parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is $$$$$," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, $$$$$?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an a*****e."

It's really bad of me but, instead of yelling all the anger out on someone in and around here don't you think doing that was a good idea instead.
Well just to add to it think twice before you try doing such one, as people generally have caller ID's and if they get your no it would a real hell for you then ;) may be you end up being an 'sorry a*****e'!!

So what's your reason?

This evening I was reading a management article by father or modern management and found this quote:


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself.
-Abraham Maslow



The quote made me truly realize that once you start working against the flow of your creative juices you can't stand still in harmony with yourself, and that's the reason many of us today aren't satisfied. How many times you have heard your friend asking the "what am I doing here? am I meant only for this?" to you or to himself in front of you, I guess a lot or may be the same number of times you brush your teeth!!

But it's true that once you start doing a job howsoever passionate you're for it in a few days of time if you don't explore new horizons in it, it gets mechanical. If this wasn't true, there shouldn't have been any pain in life's of great artist or a guy like who used to dream of a life that you are currently living. Why I'm saying this? 'Cause do you remember how happy you were when you got this job? you didn't missed informing even a single person in your contact list, and felt pride in sharing every details with friend and family of it.If you didn't at least I did!!! 'Cause those who were close to me know that it was a dream come true not because it was my dream job but  because I had once dreamt how I would get a job on a rainy day.


So still day by day satisfaction starts decreasing if not gradually then to slowly, but it surely decreases. And then when two totally exhausted friend sit on a stone on sunny day and over the cup of tea they ask each other the same question  "So what's your reason?". I feel the answer is same for both of them. Once you stop or even start running the rat race by overlooking your creative aspect you tend to loose harmony with yourself. As every one has perception that it's due to need of a change, but have you seen M.F.Hussain how flamboyant he is at his age man I envy him and maybe you would to. The reason behind his flamboyancy even though he is under deep crap in personal front in his life because he never stops his creative juices from flowing out of his mind.In turn that empowers the mind to go with bare hands in the battle field of life to face other problems. 


Our soul needs to be satisfied so that it shelters our mind on a rainy day in life. So open up dear! It's not that everyone is gifted with same energy but yes it's absolutely true that every one is at least gifted with the sufficient energy and creativity. The more you try tying it would leave more scars on your soul breaking the harmony between you and yourself.



Well two weeks backs a incident made me stop writing after the '99th'. After all I used to write what I felt for myself and never thought would end up hurting a friend. Since that day my thought process became more complex and led to many sleepless nights. I was completely sunk in my own world. Although being a Virgo of higher degree I decided I would come out of my shyness and do the damage control myself. I initiated it in some way. I was hope full that it would help me in getting my peace back, but to my realization it didn't work out or I didn't do the needful.That's the reason so late in night when usually I'm into my bed I'm sitting here and writing this some crap and hoping to be the 11th commandent!!

 

even the loo on my floor say's "I'm engaged"

So what crosses your mind? let me guess a few...

A busy user on the other side of the phone, Or a cute girl in your office with a diamond studded ring on her ring finger, Or your boss when you cry for help, Or let it be anything today every damn person or place is engaged!!
If you ask you're friend out on Friday evening he says I'm engaged for the evening, If you want a help from someone they reply "sorry man right now I'm heavily engaged".'heavily engaged'?? what did he mean?
Ask the pantry boy to refill the water can he is too engaged to do his job, And what about asking the girl whom you love secretly for a stroll or to chat over a cup of tea... man she is engaged to such an extent that you can't even start a conversation with her not even through mail or chatting over the IM forget about the idea of asking her out.

Today it's really hard to find anything when you need the most. And it not only leads you to mere frustration but even forces you to ask a question from yourself "am I  the one who has all the time in this world and goes around asking people and places for your share of time, if not share the time t hat you think you deserve?". I mean if until unless you're a born king or queen you to need to work for your bread butter and booze if any, to the same extent that others have to and that to maintaining the harmony around you.I feel like over the course past 6 months time the workload on me has increased to many folds and has got me almost killed then to if I have time to move forward and ask you for your time, why can't you give me some hope that in near future I would be able to borrow some of your time, after all just a hope if not even the actual time. Please don't say bluntly that I'm engaged, don't deny me outrightly.

All this I'm writingbecause many times I have heard "I'm engaged" from many people, even from those whom I love the most and treasure them a lot, to some knowingly and to few unknowingly. I mean we are not lawyers who would bug you on the words of hope that you utter to us. Come give me a ray of hope.

But yet again I realize that it's not an easy task. When you're not engaged everyone asks you to find some way to get engaged. My mother says "beta jaldi se koi ladki pasand karle, engaged hoja", lolz... now what should I tell my mother that I'm happy the way I'm, at least in time like this, I'm free. But this is altogether another analogy of engaged but still you can see it when you are free every one wants you to get engaged and once you are engaged people like me start writing this sort of crap. Above all I know I can't bring a change in someone's acuity but at least I can help those who have a thought process of my kind happy by keeping myself available for everyone anytime.

Don't mind people out there, it's just my restless mind or should I say my mindless mind which is running from itself, from the fear that a loved one would deny his most deserved opportunity by saying "I'm engaged" and in this process it is denying itself the chance to breakout in front of that loved one even though it may deserve that loved one.

Crap Crap... sorry  if I bugged you up... but did you notice something while reading this post you have wasted 5 mins, that 5 mins which you had added to your day by denying someone his share just by uttering those three words "I'm engaged". hahaha...

It's just to intricate for me outside my comfort zone with my music phone's ear pieces off, I mean everyone says the same "I'm engaged", and trust me some even don't have the time to say it they simply ignore your pleas. Now even the loo on my floor this afternoon said "I'm engaged",  hold on if it didn't said at least the same was written on it's door... ahhh urghhhh.... Oh lord Shiva help us out!! destroy this busyness around us all, after all you're the lord of destruction so go ahead destroy it all, and please! don't come saying that you're too engaged...

When I was asked "Are you a stud?"

I was just back from my hourly stroll that I take around usually every hour in office, Then my 'reporting manager' informed me that our manager was looking for me. I asked for what? he replied I don't know but he was in good mood and then I said how does it bother to me if he is in good mood or bad and if he needs me he would come again looking for me and I settled down at my cubical and in few moments I was completely engrossed in my work with ear phones plugged to my ears. After a while I saw someone waving a hand towards me that brought me back to the world & to my realization I saw that it was my manager. I removed the earphones and flaunted a smile towards him, then I was asked to see him in a meeting room near to his cabin in 5 min.

Thoughts started pouring in then, why has he called me? Is it that I'm gonna be shifted to some other project? or is it that some CR fixed by me failed? and many more ranging to very very far away. I took a sip from my bottle of water and went to the meeting room and I was followed by my manager.

Inside the room conversation started:

Me: So what is it about?
He: I know you have been working really hard lately. I have received many good feedback's from other managers from various teams with whom you have worked over past one year. and I must say you are one brilliant guy and have shown great level dedication to make you stand apart from all in team and form people of your caliber.
Me: Ohh!! I'm delighted to hear it. (with a smile)
He: You would be aware that PMP has started and I was supposed to have a 1-2-1 with you. That's the reason I have called you.
Me: But I was not informed about this 1-2-1 earlier!! and I'm not prepared to market myself right now.
He: (Laughed and said) Don't worry. I'm aware of all that you have done and are capable of.
Me: But still I'm supposed to market my self at the year end 1-2-1.
He: you don't need to. You have performed extraordinarily well. You have followed all the process have innovated a lot, taken tasks with complete ownership. And don't worry every one including me is aware of it.
Me: Well then... so why are we into this 1-2-1 then?
He: It is just that I had to ask you if you have any issues? and one more question (he smiled).
Me: I have no issues with team or quality of work. I enjoy great freedom in work and I'm thankful for it to my reporting manager. It's just that I need more support on quantity of work. I mean I'm really overburdened from past few months. Still I'm able to survive, but don't know till when.
He: Ohh!! and I have called you for it.
Me: So what now?
He: Tell me, Are you a STUD? (with a wink)
Me: What do you mean by it?
He: Are you a STUD? Are you capable all of it that comes to you and your team?
Me: Hmmm... I guess I have never said no to anyone. and have met all the deadlines without any hiccups how stringent they have been. And hope the same in future.
He: Good!! I knew you are a STUD. You're capable of everything. And I'm even more delighted to have you in my team. You know in initial days I used to think, this guy leaves office daily so early and always has earphone into his ears, he is never interested in any discussions, and talks so less, so is he worth? But as days passed I started getting the results from you and that started building my faith in you.And soon I realized it's his way of working.
Me: I guess you got it right.
He: Yes!!

Then came in the reward. What was it? I'm not supposed to discuss it as it is supposed to be under the table, but yes it was one thing I never expected it. And soon meeting got over. It left me thinking that I have still not put in my 100% in my job still I have made a mark to distinguish my self from the rest, so if someday i start giving in 100% what am I capable of.And it made one thing very clear to me drawing boundaries with work and life is a good thing but being honest to work is the most important.This incident mad me feel more confident at least on the professional front, and yes mad me realize one thing with little devotion and honesty anyone can be a 'STUD'!!

Attack by 'Grey Love'

How many times have you thought that the windows that you open let the breeze come in can bring something shitty to your comfort zone?
That day in the morning I opened my window to smell the air outside. The smell of air was awesome and it reminded me of morning in Agra when I used to live in a house all around lush greenery. And then followed the daily routine as had to reach  office on time. And in this hurry I left the window pans open!!

Then I had a great day even more than I could desire that day. By the evening I was so happy that I planned as soon as I reach home I would take a bath and go to the Mahalaxmi temple to thank Durga maa. As soon I reached my home It was perfect as daily. Entire room was in good shape and neat and clean courtesy our bai.
But then I saw this:

And thought what is it? Is this stain of vegetables or something else?

Then I saw some more of it:

And then I feared and thought it can't be that, that S thing...

Suddenly I heard the sound of wings, and when I turned my head it was one, one bloody grey bird.

I had no clue what to do next. I just thought I had to jump in damage control mode ASAP. I picked up towel that was in closest to me and don't know why did I picked it up. When I saw the bird I thought is she more frightened or it's me.I mean I can't do any harm to that bird after all I'm in love with a girl whose name means 'Bird' so that has put in a soft corner for birds in my heart. I tried many tricks, opened all the doors and windows that I could so that that bird finds its way out to the free world. It took her half an hour to finds its way out.

When it left the entire room was full of stains of S that it had made during the entire day.

I said god I want that bird in my life whom I love not this 'Grey Love', and as you did send that grey bird when you saw my house window open send my love too the same way and don't worry all the doors of my heart are open.

You wouldn't understand!!

Whenever I'm at home I have to abide by the unsaid military laws at home :(  Every morning I have to wake up by 5 AM and get ready to accompany my father on the morning walk and trust me this is not just a walk usually it stretches to 5 KM and then some stretching and it's  a routine. Well it was Diwali morning and me and my all cousins were woken up but then I was the only one unlucky who was unable to escape and slip back into the bed. So now I had to accompany my father to his morning walk. It started as usual me asking the some question "Papa kya zaroort hai itni sawere chutti ke din bhi uth kar duadne ki?" and getting the same answer "Beta ye koi time hai uthne ka jab main padhta tha to main 4 baje uthta tha" hey do I have to remind him that I used to wake up at 3 am daily while I was preparing for my entrance exams during last ccouple of yers of school, but of no use so just kept walking. We reached the Tipnis ground. This is a ground which remains the same green let it be any season or any year, damn how much tax payers money does Air force spends to keep it green? We did some stretching then returned to B 6/2, Oberoi Lane our home at Hyderabad. So finally a tortures morning ended ahh god thanks for it.

I sat by the road to cool down in the breeze that was blowing. After a while a small girl of age somewhere around 12-14yrs age came in front of me. She was really a cute girl with angelic looks nd eyes. She asked me "hey why are you sitting here?" I replied " I had just returned from morning walk so thought of resting myself out here" she nodded her head as of she was saying Ok."what are you listening to?" looking at my headphones which were still in my ears, she asked in reply I said it's "The Train" band and then I asked her "have you heared of this band?" her reply was a yes. But then she said " You know there  is a singer Tyalor Swift with such a nice voice... she is jsut enough!! and I hope wouldn't have understood the depth  of her singing, people of your aage tend tobe leaned towards pop or rock but it's time for melody!! but hey you wouldn't understand!!" I was left speechless I don't know was it her frankness due to the defence culture in which we grew or her saying "You Wouldn't understand"?.

In school days I had studied abt the generation gap and used to think it is something that comes in 20-25 years but hey this girl... this girl made me realize  it's not that way. You know all that she mentioned was completely in sync with me I have been hearing to Tyalor Swift for past an year and the kind of music abt which see talked was too a familiar genre to me but she made me realize that in this fast pace world even the believes needs to be adjusted at the same pace or else you would be in midst of a generation gap!!

Thanks for being once again an Indian!!

One fine morning we were so tired last night's late party at offciers that after having the breakfast we decided lay down simply and give  break to our deepawali prepration. Then suddenly mummy said "beta let's got to the sai baba's mandir". I said cool Idea instead of sitting here let's go. In next coupleof hours we were there at the temple worshiping "Sai Baba". My mother then said "do you know? This is a Sai Baba's temple where a wish that comes heart is always fulfilled", Then I asked is it so?. and without waiting for her reply my heart made a wish ;) yea you guessed it right!! anyways this post is not about my ish or that temple it is something else.

Well by this time it was noon and the sun was on the head and believe me in the month of Oct to it was unbearable heat!! We sat by a shop on the road selling some sort of cool drinks me and my father were busy sipping the cool drink and mother busy searching for something or the other thing at the roadside vendors cart which were full of stickers and posters of different gods and goddesses and more color was added o there cart by intricate threads of many colors. Well suddenly then I saw two girls from not much familiar part of our country 'CHINKIS' approaching the same shop. Well by now I started thinking that a day which started with such a low note has suddenly  started picking up!! They sat in front of us and ordered the same cool drinks that we had just finished. In a  moment or so three guys with not so neatly dressed arrived at the shop an started talking to the shop owner in he local language but the gestures they gave to each other made there intentions very clear at least. This not so dudish guys started gazing those chicks I felt like saying the 'dudes! there is a certain level of grossness that a chick can take so leave them away now." but then I was with my father never knew how he would react. Then he asked me let's leave ant went to the shop owner asking him to settle the bills meanwhile one of the guy pulled a chair and sat in front off those girls opening some of his buttons on his shirt and started murmuring some word to those beauties with flawless skins and unmatched complexions... ahem ahem no offense!! Now that became really uncomfortable for me seeing people of my age presenting such a scene and that to when I was accompanied by my parents. I then saw towards my father and don't know what was on mind but hey... he picked it right and by the very next blink of eyes I saw my father standing behind that not so gentle-man with his hands on his shoulder who had pulled the chair in front of those girls. This was least expected by me from my father in times like those.I saw him saking that guy " Kya baat hai bhai kuch chahiye kya?" That guy replied in an frightened voice "nahi uncle jee bus khade nahi hua jaa rha tha isliye kursi kheench kar baitha tha." well are we fools? this is what I thought of asking him. " Sahi hai bhut garmi hai to ek kaam karo ye kursi yahn se utho aur unse thoda durr laga lo warna kahin aur naa garmi badh jae" in an sarcastic sense my father asked them and hey what we saw next was even more comic all of those three guys left. Now I was filled by pride if not being a hero by self then by atleast being son of a person who displayed some heroic act. Those two girls stood and for the first time we got a chace to hear there voice.They said "It was relly kind of you uncle." my father replied "Oh just carry one don't bother your self's continue with your stuff" then one of the girls in some serious tone said " No uncle we thank you for all this. We both are students from Tibet to the University of Hyderabad, and we like temples and people here in country so thought of visiting this temple and we were really frightened  when that guy pulled the chair in front of us but you helped us, people of this country are great you have given shelter to our leader Dalai Lama and to the helping hands that you people have provided to citizens of our countries over the years we thank you for being an Indian." both of those girl said namastey and left.

Then I thought, there were that three guys those who had just moments back tried to invade there integrity and they too where son of the same soil as my father who helped those two 'Chicks' but this 'Chicks' what did the say "Thanks once again for being an Indian" really it's strange!!

what is ttyl?

It was a monday in the festive season I had been called to office just to do some sort of knowledge transfer before I could  go for a much awaited vacationn by me. Although I could have left the previous weekend if I didn't had to be there on monday for that some out of the world KT damn I don't know why people have so much dependency upon some one, I mean it has been almost 6 months when last I was on a planned vacation and then too people in my team felt as if they have done a favour or some sort of boon by allowing me to utilise my hard earned vacations... wait a minute this post is not abt all this crap!! So as I wasvery much bored up and frustrated too so I decided to roam here and there with friends or write something sitting there but I had such a frustation inside me that sitting at one place nearly became impossible and as expected it was a monday so frnds from the office where busy in planning there weeks work, and as usual meetings. So I had a lots of time too kill!!

Well I had time but no Idea what to do so then I thought of a great idea... I thought of why not chat with 'rab ji' so then I started preparing my self. It took two visits to SZ and three cups of tea and four to five times I had to go to the loo to get free from natural calls so that they don't disturb me when I'm in middle of any converstion with 'rab ji'. Oh ahh  boring monday at office suddenly got filled with so much excitement and such a levelof annxiety got engrossed into me.

It took me two hours beefor I could pinged her!! then I said 'Hi ******' and started praying hey god please please... I must  get a reply this time then in anxiety I sent another message 'Hey you there?' then I got the reply 'yes' followed by 'h' followed by '*hi' and I thought is she in hurry to somewhere or much busy and relaized 'damn! I have once again caught her in wrong time...', you know every time I collect some courage to talk to her it's my hard luck that very moment she is busy with her work :(  Anways this time she started replying the cht lasted for some time or so. Then she said
'hey i'm lil busy'
'wud ttyl'

hmmm 'ttyl' what is this? I was in a position of shock and awe!!, shock because I was left with no answer and awe because I had no clue what did 'wud ttyl' meant. Now what do I have? I asked my self and started figuring out ttyl... hmmm... is it titali (butterfly)? nah why all of a sudden she would say 'wud titali' I mean it doesn't at all makes sense. After that to many thoughts started crossing my head and then I relized I have my very intelligent blood relation from the fairer sex on the other side of another chat window... hey she must be knowing what is ttyl. Suddenly I was having my phone in my hand and the next no i dialled was of her.

me: Hey, chat window dekh..
She: kya hua?
me:bas dekh..
She: ye kya hai?
me: ye mujhe mer rab jee neping kiya hai.
She: to?
me: Iska kya matlab hai?
She: Mujhe kya interprator samjh rakha hai... bhag jaa yahan se.. mere pass koi kaam nahi hai lekin tere pass to hai kar shanti se..
me: plz bata de dost... plzz...
She: arrey dumbo itna bada ho gaya aur iss lingo ka matlab bhi nhi pta hai.
me: Arey nahi pata hai isiliye to pucha hai bata de...
She: She meant that she would talk to you later i.e. 'wud ttyl'.
me: is it so?
She: haan!
me: chal phone rakh jaldi se.
She: haan cal bhag ja and ab paise lagenge interprate karne ke!!

ok! so she meant would talk to you later... hmmm... damn ye kya hai? I'm so poor in this lingo!! but hey gr8... It took me around half an hour and even help from someone, so what is the point in using such lingo or is this at all a valid question to be asked? or rather it should be that is it at all a good idea to chat with someone without knowing all this lingo that is being used this days? Once again she intricate my thoughts!!

What is Hope?

Is it just four letter word, or picture back in the head, or say our own self itself!! Well last night after some introspection I thought to write down whatever crosses my mind. Initially I planned to write 12 liner but then to realization I found out that limiting hope to few words isn't just enough and it even gets worse if you are a optimist+lucky guy like me. So thought writing it down as follows.

This is hope. 

It is a direct statement. There is no word in that simple phrase that doesn’t push you on to the period. This is hope. Three words that make you instantly picture something. Images of what you believe hope is, and what hope isn’t. It is a phrase that conjures up contradictions. It almost dares you to say this isn’t hope. It’s a battle cry, and yet, it’s also a whispered plea.

Hope is such a vague thing. What is hope? Can you quantify it? Is it a feeling? Is it fact? These are good questions, and you know what, we don’t have all the good answers. We’re no different than you. We wake up and struggle through each and every day; we stretch our money, we make mistakes, just like you. Our addictions are no different than yours, our selfish desires and lustful actions mirror yours to a tee. We smile at life’s simple pleasures just like you, and when we’re happy, our laugh sounds a lot like yours. Only facial features and t-shirt sizes determine our difference. However, what we do have is what hope means to us. We believe hope is the desire, the belief, that the next step on the road of life can be better than the last. Hope is what keeps us from withering up and dying. It is the broken dream that has been swept away and been replaced by a new one. It is the broken bone that can mend. It is the lesson learned. It is the lessons yet to be learned. It is the desire to keep moving forward, if for no other reason, than it beats standing still. It is the realization that life is bigger than the problems, hurts, struggles, and confusions that seem like they are going to crush us from the moment we wake up every morning. This is hope.

Look to the stars and realize that we are small, that the world is old, and we are young. Find hope in that. This is hope is a company that is more like a mantra. It is a battle cry and a prayer. It is for the atheist and the believer. It is for the young and the old. Hope is for every person of every race, gender, religion, it is for the rich and it is for the poor. No one should be denied hope. We all need hope. We all have hope. We all are hope. Still I'm unable to picture Hope clearly... What is hope?

rain in the abandoned city

Soon it begins to shower
and the droplets pick up their speed
spraying water all over
not knowing any caste or creed

but still the sun lights up sky with sunshine
and in heavens above there takes birth a rainbow
pouring rain now seems like god's own wine
while rainbow throwing it's spectacular color-show

Life to me never meant so meaningful
and everything never seemed so good
yes, the world now looked so beautiful
admiring it's creator while I stood!

Love Love Love!!

The next time you hear someone saying "love happens!! It's something out of our control" give a tight slap to him/her from me....

The saying is biggest myth the mankind has woven around itself in my opinion or else read below and answer me....

I was full of mirth, was enjoying my so called single or in some peoples opinion 'gayist life' then someone said hey why don't you look for a girl? to add some spice to your perfect happy life I replied to her "thanks but no thanks I'm happy the way I'm, and do you wish me to go far away from you in hibernation just caressing someone". Then the same topic was raised by another friend of mine and this time again and again... in the starting it had no effect on me but then as we all tend to form a view by persuasion of our near and dear one's even I started having a serious view about it. Suddenly I was amidst of something I had never thought would be. And people made me fall in love again!!

Here I'm in love dunno if fallen or risen but yeah in love from all that I own all my senses and all my feelings entire day entire night. As I said I never gave a thought to fall in love so had no idea what should I do or hat should i be like. I fell in love with a girl whose name few months back was so tough to remember that I always used to forget. once I remember I was embarrassed by this to, in an party she was on the dais dancing I loved that dance and as song was 'chaliya chaliya' which was a song that was on all of ours mind so simply made me curious abt that girl and as I was unable to get her name so I asked one of her close friend "hey, she is some girl who had joined with us" I got the reply with her name but then she added "some girl?" as if I was a playboy or so... at that point she was nothing more than a cute girl to be admired then the days passed and people around me started persuading me more seriously to fall in love. In the last winter a movie got released 'Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi' and when i watched it I was quite impressed by the idea of it specially a song of it 'tujh mein rab dikhta hai'. I started thinking that's what would happen to me when I fall in love!! Suddenly one day of winter I realized since past few months then she was the girl knowingly or unknowingly i was checking her out and she too. Then gradually I even realized 'tujhme rab dikhta hai' and then I knew I have fallen in love.

Hence further as never wanted to make my love public so that that cute little girl never gets hurt knowing this so named her 'rab ji' and she was every where inside, outside, thoughts, days night and every where. In her love I started writing again and what I found my writing streak was strongest till sate now people even started loving it as I'm not trying to praise myself I got a info that someone took my poem to gifted it to his fiance on V-day. And this is the reason I said I don't know whether I fell in love or did rise?

But it became painful as I had no idea what should i do being a novice in all this so couldn't handle it at all. i went into deep depression. But one more good happened I did quit many habits that really never where meant tome and which I had picked up just out of curiosity in teenage so love again helped me.

Till date i haven't told her abt all this but the fact is I'm in love and ready for a commitment of life and hence after. I know a solution to it but I don't have the slightest of idea how to implement it.

my wishlist!!

As my b'day is nearing for this year I have come up with this wishlist for next year...

1. Share space in a snap with 'Priyanka Chopra'.
2. I know I can't sing, but still want to record a song with whatever I have ;)
3. Win a laureate in photography.
4. Backpacking and getting lost in some state...
5. Learn a foreign language may be french or Hebrew.
6. Writing an exam whose examination center is a all Girls College just to experience how a boy would use a girls toilet :)
7. Let everyone know how much I love each of them and that to without getting drunk!!
8. Getting a book published of my poems dedicated to her and handing her the first copy of it , as all my writing belongs to her!!
9. Be a friend of her!!
10. Enjoy a weekend with her caressing her, roaming with her & cooking for her...


so friends this is all I have to ask for in the year ahead and for rest of that I need I can handle it with all your blessings and by the grace of god affection of my mother :)

Jeevan Maran Chhe Ek

On lazy weekend while njoying a cup of 'chai' with a old friend he told me about this album by Jagjit Singh in Gujrati... back home I had my hands on this album... It simply reminded me of those 10 days of backpacking and roaming in Gujarat from Ahmedabad - Mehsana - Baroda - Ankleshwar - Bhavnagar - Una, the gujrati people their hindi accent, the food, the roads... listen to the album it's again a nice work from maestro himself or let me say would sound good to all you people...
Today, I thought to listen the album on-line before. All the gazals in the album were penned down by Gujarat’s Galib, Abbas Vasi ‘Mariz’ and sung by the legendary singer Jagjit Singh.
After listening it, I felt my expectations were, too high. I was, rather, bit disappointed that it was, for me, just an “average” album. If you listen Jagjit Singh’s last 3-5 albums in Hindi/Urdu gazals, this album was kinda “routine” – same electronic key boards, same instruments and almost same kind of compositions (I don’t know even a single RAAG, but I do trust my ears). Moreover, ‘Mariz’ saab has so much depth in his gazals that even reading ‘em drag us inside his psyche, and I believe, the composition must do more to justify the words (and Jagjit Singhji has done it with “Mirza Galib” – no doubt). But some how, I did not feel the depth and emotions in most of gazals in this album except one or two gazals.
I must give a credit to his wonderful and soothing voice for the gazal “mane evi rite..”. I can listen that track over and over – especially last 3 sheyrs. It was just nice to hear “mein taji taari tamanna” – a different composition. I would rather prefer to listen Gujarati Gazal King Purushottam Upadhayay for “bas eTali samaj..”, “mein taji taari tamanaa” [both in Album: Anmol -- na, not "Anmol Moti", just "Anmol". It's bit hard to find this album. Many thanks to a dear friend that he gifted this album to me], “jeevanbhar na tofaano..”[Album: Irshaad].
Any way, it doesn’t matter what I think about the album. My 2 cents worth opinion is not going to affect album’s sales (by the way, who has time to read this blog, too! ). So chill out!